I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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