i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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