I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
