Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
