So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
