I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Im part way to drunk.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize