i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
