im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
