If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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