Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
