i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
