this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
