Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
