the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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