Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
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