I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
vagina is talking i cant
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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