that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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