I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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