Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
