is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
