i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
