Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Randomize
