Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I can text with my tongue
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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