I just cut my nipple shaving
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize