I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
