fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
a search helicopter?!
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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