insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
