saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
