My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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