Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
