There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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