Even water is tasting like jack daniels
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
The uberlube is also flammable
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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