I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
