He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
