That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
