never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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