I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
