I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
