I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize