i wish there were pregnant emoticons
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I think I sprained my soul last night
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
