apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
