I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
