Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
