Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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