he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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