We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Randomize
