Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
