You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
