Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
