i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
