I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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