It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
