matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i dont even know how to be here
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
