Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
