"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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