Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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