Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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