dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
