Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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