So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize