his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
