I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
