do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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