hotel room ftw
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize