last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
