Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
