you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
