then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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