The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
