nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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