So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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