Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize