areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
