i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
