i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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